


Honey I'm Good

by Nikolaus_Chaser



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Accidental Porn Stars, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Blow Jobs, Domestic Castiel/Dean Winchester, Domestic Fluff, Hand Jobs, Kissing, M/M, Masturbation, Music, Porn With Plot, destiel smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-19
Updated: 2017-01-19
Packaged: 2018-09-18 12:34:49
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,232
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9385424
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nikolaus_Chaser/pseuds/Nikolaus_Chaser
Summary: “We just shot a porno.”“Oh,” Dean’s eyebrows shoot up in surprise, and then he smirks, kicking himself back on the couch and folding his hands behind his head.  “Well, I guess that crosses one item off my bucket list.”





	1. Chapter 1

_Nah, nah, Honey I’m good, I could have another but I probably should not.  I got somebody at home and if I stay I might not leave alone…_

“Here Dean, hold this.” Castiel thrusts a paper heart into Dean’s hands, red construction paper crinkling where Dean grips at the edges.  His eyes flicker down at the heart and then back up at Castiel, who is wearing a ridiculous red and purple top hat embroidered with the words “I’m With Cupid”, and a dark purple sweater which adorns a huge bumblebee right in the center, cursive letters proclaiming the words “Bee Mine!” beneath it.  He adjusts the camcorder on the coffee table one last time before pressing play, and when he turns back to the couch and looks at Dean, he’s wearing a grin bigger than the sun.  He looks absolutely ridiculous.

“You ready to get this show on the road?” Dean smirks as Castiel walks back towards the couch, plopping down beside his husband of three years and wrapping an arm around his waist.  The paper heart in Dean’s hands brags a big, bold 12 right in the center, indicating the total number of years they have been together.  They were just high school sweethearts for the longest time, Dean working at his uncle’s garage while Castiel got his psychology certification at the local college, and when Castiel finally finished his Master’s Degree they’d had a wedding.  A big one, too, because as much Cas would deny it, he was a sucker for romance novels and a bit of a bridezilla (you didn’t hear that from Dean, though).  So of course he and Dean had to have a fairytale wedding, with fancy invitations and flowers and mini-quiches and a goddamn _harp_.  Dean hadn’t let him forget that ($400 per hour) harp for three years, but the truth is he would do it all over again for Cas just to see him smile.  He would do basically anything for Castiel if it made him happy.

Which is what brings him here, now, sitting on the couch with a stupid paper heart in his hands and sitting next to the biggest nerd he knows (his husband), getting ready to film a clip for a _Country Pop_ music video.  Not that he doesn’t enjoy a good Taylor Swift song every now and then, but a man really has to draw the line somewhere, doesn’t he?

“Of course darling,” Dean answers, leaning over and pressing a chaste kiss to Castiel’s lips.  His husband smiles, nose crinkling happily as he leans over Dean to adjust the volume of his iPhone, turning it up to its max before he sets the phone back on the coffee table.  He bobs his head, leaning back and nudging Dean’s side.  Dean gets the hint, and he holds up his sign as he begins to sway with Cas.  And Cas— _bless his soul_ \-- Cas starts to fucking _Wax On, Wax Off_ and _Disco Point_.  Dean does all he can to stifle his laugh, and instead winds up beaming at Cas in shock as he busts some moves on the couch.  And yeah, they may be _good_ moves, but this is just getting ridiculous (because it wasn’t already ridiculous before).

“Cas, baby, you do realize this is going on the World Wide Web, right?  Everyone is going to be able to see this.”

Castiel stops, pursing his lips and looking at Dean with a small frown on his face.  “You don’t like my dance moves?” He accuses, tilting his head and squinting owlishly at Dean.  The other man throws his hands up in defense and shakes his head.

“No baby, I love them!  You know Disco dancing is one of my biggest turn-ons.  I’m just not sure if the rest of the world is… ready for your level of dancing expertise.”

Castiel snorts, trying to pretend he’s not amused as he glares half-heartedly at his husband.  “You’re patronizing me.  Your dance moves are no better than mine.  Worse, in fact,” he huffs, laughing when Dean clutches a hand to his chest as if he’s just been stabbed.

“Baby, don’t test me, or I’ll have to give you a dance lesson.  And I’ll have you know I once spent an entire summer in the Catskills teaching at a professional dance camp.” As he speaks he leans close, lips brushing over Castiel’s scruffy cheek and latching on at the base of his neck.  He nibbles the skin there and trails kisses up along his jawline, and Castiel laughs, shoving playfully at Dean’s chest.

“Oh, _shut up_.”

“Come on baby, don’t be like that,” Dean laughs and continues his kissing and nibbling, peppering kisses along Castiel’s collar bone and to the other side of his neck.  “ _Now_ _I’ve… Had the time of my life…,_ ” Dean croons, off-key, and Castiel laughs.  He shifts so that he is lying back flat on the couch, Dean’s body draped over his and his hands tangled into Dean’s hair.

“We were supposed to be making a music video for Andy Grammar, not Bill Medley,” Castiel sighs, but he’s not really complaining, especially when Dean slides his hands under his sweater and lets his thumbs graze over his sensitive nipples.  Castiel makes a soft noise in the back of his throat and tugs at Dean’s hair, who grins in response and swipes his thumb back over the pebbled bud.  Castiel sighs happily and closes his eyes, his hips making little abortive thrusts against Dean’s thigh, erection pressing hard and hot through the thin denim of his jeans.

“Andy Grammar is overrated anyway,” Dean grunts, hitching Castiel’s shirt up his belly and trailing kisses over the soft skin there.  When he shifts, Castiel is able to tug his sweater over his head, and the combination of Dean’s mouth suckling at his skin plus the cool air hitting his chest makes him shiver. 

“Hey, I like Andy Grammar,” Castiel argues, stroking his fingers through Dean’s hair lazily as he drags his tongue along the edge of his pectoral.  His lips close around Castiel’s nipple a moment later, and his next words die on his tongue as a lewd moan escapes his mouth.  Dean hums and flicks his tongue over Castiel’s nipple, scraping at it with his teeth as he uses his hand to tug and twist at the other.

“Yeah, well, maybe Andy Grammar ain’t so bad, but that song irks me.  Reminds me of Benny.  Do you remember that night he got super drunk and tried to give me a—”

“Uh, _yes I remember._ Do you really think I could forget it?” Castiel grumbles, eyes narrowing in agitation.  “Thank you so much for reminding me, too.”

“Anytime, baby,” Dean drawls, a smirk playing at his lips, and before Castiel has time to come up with a retort his lips are sealed around the nipple again and he’s biting down harshly.  Castiel jerks and cries, fingers dragging down Dean’s back and digging into his shoulders.  The other man chuckles and spends a few long moments gently licking and sucking at the abused flesh before he moves on to another patch of skin, trailing wet, open-mouthed kisses down Castiel’s body and towards a more southern destination.  Castiel thrusts his hips again and Dean smiles, reaching down to palm at his own jeans when their crotches press up against one another’s for a moment.

“I really want to suck you off,” Dean ‘s voice is deep and thick, and the sound of him saying such dirty things has Castiel’s heart leaping in his chest.  Dean isn’t usually one for dirty-talk, but _fuck_ does he know how to do it right.  “But I’m really not going to be able to get into the right headspace if you don’t take that stupid hat off.”

Castiel frowns in confusion for a moment before his eyes flicker upward and he remembers himself and the hat.  He reaches up and jerks it off his head, the flimsy body of the hat flopping around as he tosses it to the floor, completely forgotten.  Dean chuckles and smiles up at him, pressing a lingering kiss to Castiel’s lower belly as he fumbles with the buttons on his jeans.

“Eager, huh?  You were going on and on earlier about how you’d never owned a hat ‘ _so amazing, Dean, look at all the bright colors’_.”  His voice goes up a few pitches as he teases his husband, and Castiel rolls his eyes, knocking Dean in the head with the side of his shin.

“My voice is not that high,” he grumbles, and when Dean’s only response is laughter, and he rolls his eyes and huffs, “Oh, shut up and blow me you jerk.”

“When I married you, I made a promise to always love, support and make fun of you at every given opportunity,” Dean smirks back, finally managing to pop the button of Castiel’s jeans and work the fabric down enough for his cock to spring free.  He’s half-hard already and heavy in Dean’s hand, and Castiel’s breath hitches as he begins to slowly stroke up and down.

“Funny, I don’t think I remember that being a part of our vows.  Though I could never forget the two full sentences you dedicated to having me promise to cherish and care for _your car_ for the rest of my life.”

“What can I say, Cas?  A man’s got to prioritize,” he drawls, tongue darting out to lick at the head of Castiel’s cock, swirling around the swollen head and dragging down the side.  He slicks his entire cock up with spit before finally taking Cas into his mouth, erection now plump and full against his tongue.  He keeps one hand at the base, stroking and squeezing as he slowly begins to bob his head up and down.  Castiel groans loudly and arches his back, grabbing at the throw pillow behind his head so that he has something solid to hold on to.

“Dean, Dean…,” he gasps, teeth clenched hard as he tilts his head to look down at Dean, chest fluttering when his husband’s green eyes meet his own, wide and desperate and fucking _hungry_ as he sucks his cock.  Castiel groans and tosses his head back again, sweat breaking out on his brow as Dean takes him deeper into the wet heat of his mouth.  His hand is moving at the base now, massaging his balls and stroking up and down just a little, but still not enough.  Cas groans and tilts his hips up, trying to bury himself further down Dean’s throat.  His husband pulls away and wipes his spit-slick lips, grinning.

“Come on, baby, I want to feel you.”

“Dean,” Castiel gasps, hands scrambling for his husband so he can pull him up into a searing kiss.  He tastes himself on Dean’s tongue as they move together, the rough fabric of Dean’s jeans causing shivers to run up Castiel’s spine when his sensitive cock brushes against his thigh.  He whimpers into Dean’s mouth and reaches down, fumbling with the clasp and zipper as quickly as he can.  Dean kicks his pants and underwear to the side with equal zeal, eager to be naked and pressed up against his husband.

“Unh… Just like that,” Dean whispers, breathe hot against Castiel’s neck as he wedges his hand between the two of them and manages to grab ahold of his and Dean’s cocks both, grinding together sweaty and slick and so, _so_ hot.  Dean grunts and thrusts his hips forward, cock already hard and leaking precum into Castiel’s fist.  “Touch me right there.  Never stop.  Come on, baby.”

“ _Dean_ ,” Castiel hisses between his teeth and squeezing his eyes closed, his hand flying over both of their cocks.  He can feel that telltale tightening in his belly, the tingling in his toes, and as much as he wants to hold out so he can cum with Dean, he doesn’t think he can make it.  He gasps, chest heaving, and groans when he feels Dean nibbling and sucking at his earlobe.  “I’m going to cum.  I can feel it, I can feel—unh, _fuck_ … _Dean!_ ”

Castiel’s cock jerks in his hand and twitches against his and Dean’s stomachs, coating them both in thin ropes of cum.  Castiel deflates against the couch, chest heaving, and Dean quickly knocks Castiel’s hand away so that he can pick up stroking himself off.  He groans, mouthing and biting at Castiel’s shoulder hard enough to leave teeth marks.  He cums silently, eyes screwed shut and teeth clenched, and only opens his eyes again when he feels Castiel wiping at his softening cock with a Kleenex.

“Well that was more fun than I expected,” he drawls, smiling against Castiel’s neck when his husband huffs a laugh.  Dean props himself up on his elbow and rolls off to the side, leaning against the back of the couch to give room for Castiel to sit up.  He does just that, soft cock flopping against his thigh as he wrestles to get his jeans back on.  “Though I think we got a little side tracked.”

“Uh, yeah, I think that’s safe to say,” Castiel snorts, then looks over at the coffee table, where the camcorder is still propped up with its little blinking red light.  “Oh my God.”

“What’s that?” Dean looks up at Cas curiously, distracted momentarily from his belly-button picking (hey, it’s gross but it’s got to be done, okay?) by the distressed tone in Castiel’s voice.  The man stands, still bare-assed with his pants stubbornly hung around his ankles, and reaches for the camera.  He picks it up and presses the STOP button, squinting at the device before he looks back at Dean and declares.

“We just shot a porno.”

“Oh,” Dean’s eyebrows shoot up in surprise, and then he smirks, kicking himself back on the couch and folding his hands behind his head.  “Well, I guess that crosses one item off my bucket list.”

Castiel sighs, sitting down beside Dean and staring at the camera.  He begins to play back the footage from the beginning, and before Dean can complain that that’s a little weird, Castiel is speaking.

“I’ll edit it later. I suppose I can salvage the footage we shot before you seduced me,” he states, nodding in agreement with himself before he gracelessly closes the camera and lays back down on the couch beside Dean.  His husband automatically wraps an arm around his waist, tucking his head into the back of Cas’s neck and inhaling.  He smells like sweat and peppermint shampoo.

“Oh, so now _I’m_ the one who seduced _you_?  You’re the one who lured me in with your country music like some sort of… I don’t know, are cowsirens a thing?  You’re like a big, fat cowsiren luring innocent cowboys to their orgasmic deaths.”

“Did you just call me fat?” Dean doesn’t need to be facing Castiel to know the look he has on his face.  Dean laughs and pressing a kiss to the side of his husband’s neck, only to be batted away violently.  He laughs harder.

“Oh Cas, do you know how much I love you?”

“Shut up,” he snaps, petulant, then turns to look at Dean with a fond smile and presses a chaste kiss to his lips.  “And yeah.  I love you too.”


	2. Chapter 2

If Dean’s barely audible snickers and surreptitious glances down at his phone weren’t inconspicuous enough, the wide grin plastered on his face is a dead giveaway he’s up to no good.  Castiel’s brow creases and he watches his husband with intent as he loads the last of their dirty dishes up on the drying rack and calls back into the dining room.

“What’s so funny in there?”

“What?  Nothing, baby,” Dean stuffs his phone back into his pocket quickly and stands up, making his way into the kitchen to sidle up behind Cas.  He’s still wearing that damn smirk on his face.  “You know, I picked up some pie at the bakery earlier.  Maybe we could take a slice up to bed and feed each other, sexy style…”

“Sounds sticky,” Cas doesn’t sound very enthusiastic, and he towels off his hands before turning around and sliding his arms around Dean’s waist.  Hus husband nuzzles at his cheek and kisses along the side of his neck, lips dragging over prickly hairs and latching down on Cas’s earlobe, to suck.  Castiel hums and runs his hands up and down Dean’s sides, shifting his hips against Dean’s and grinding their growing erections together.  He tilts his head back and slides his hands down, down, cupping his husband’s ass and then, finally—

“A-ha!” Castiel crows with triumph as he plucks his husband’s phone from his ass pocket, leaping away from him and practically skipping into the living room with it.  He and Dean generally have no secrets from each other, so his fingerprint is programmed into Dean’s phone (though he rarely uses it, anyway) and when he slides to unlock the Messages App immediately pops open, displaying his cousin Gabriel’s phone number and a string of explicit text messages accompanied by an array of angry-face emojis and vows for “revenge”.  Castiel frowns in confusion.

“Uh, Dean?” He turns with a raised eyebrow to find Dean leaning against the living room doorframe, grinning sheepishly.  “What did you do this time?”

“Just a little prank!” Even as he says it Dean can’t help but snicker, and he steps forward, plucking his phone from Castiel’s hands and tucking it back into his pocket.  Castiel raises an eyebrow expectantly, and Dean huffs out a sigh of defeat.  “I may have sneaked some semi-permanent hair dye into your cousin’s shampoo while I was visiting Sammy this weekend.”

Castiel’s jaw drops in surprise, but after a moment or two he shrugs.  “That can’t be too bad.  What did you do him in for this time?  Blue or purple?”

“Ginger!” He caws, then cackles, throwing his head back delightedly and slapping his own knee.  Castiel gasps and clasps his hands together over his chest, gasping at Dean.

“How ginger?”

“The box said ‘Bright Cherry Red’.  The lady in the picture looked kind of like a fire hydrant, or a sexy tomato.”

“Oh my God.  I need to see this,” he breathes, then whips his own phone out and immediately dials up his cousin’s number for a Facetime call.  When he’s sent to voicemail almost immediately, he shoots Gabriel a text along of the lines of “I NEED to see this please call me back ASAP”, for which he is rewarded by a slew of middle-finger emojis and an emphatic promise for revenge.

Within the week, Gabriel has had his hair stripped and bleaches it blonde for good measure.  He actually looks pretty decent with blonde hair, and when he finally sacrifices his dignity enough to share one of his ginger selfies with their little group of friends, everybody agrees unanimously that going blonde was the right decision.   With bright, neon red hair Gabriel looks like a horrible combination of Carrot Top and Ronald McDonald, and to say the look is unflattering would be an understatement.  Dean is very proud of himself.

They all have a pretty big laugh over it at dinner at Dean and Cas’s house that weekend, but other than a fifteen-minute ribbing session and some good-natured jokes, that’s pretty much the end of it.  Even Gabriel seems pretty chill about the whole situation, which is a little uncharacteristic of him, but Dean figures he’s just brooding.  They watch a movie that night and sort of forget about the whole thing, after all.

It seems completely random and kind of odd that Dean and Cas keep getting weird looks everywhere they go, in the weeks after that.  At the supermarket, the movie theater, even the garden center they are accosted by narrowed eyes and shocked looks, which seem completely uncalled for and out of place.  They live in a relatively liberal area of Kansas City, and though they do occasionally get harassed by an old biddy here and there, they live a generally hate-free life in the city.  People aren’t as freaked out by same sex couples as Dean would have expected before he got together with Cas (he was happy before living in his heterosexual bubble of denial and interlined homophobia, thank you very much).

So the looks are weird.  Especially when some of them look less horrified and more… entranced.   They stop holding hands in public to see if it stops the looks, but it makes no change whatsoever.  So they figure they both must have developed some weird skin disease neither of them have noticed, and move on with their lives.

Charlie calls Dean during his lunch break one day.

“I was playing World of Warcraft last night and—”

“Charlie, if this is another goblin sex story I swear to God I will hang up on you right now.”

“Um, no goblins this time, but I did think you’d be interested in what I found.  See, Dean, I know your secret,” the sing-song tone to her voice makes Dean frown.

“Uh-huh, and what’s that, Red?  You finally find out I’m a secret transvestite or something?”

“I don’t know, De.  Your dick looks pretty lifelike to me.”

“Huh?”

“Your dick, Dean.  I found your porn site.  Which, as gross as it was to watch, I’m going to have to congratulate you for 11 million views because that is pretty damn impressive.”

“Woah, woah, hold it right there.  What do you mean, you—you found my _porn site_?  There’s a video of me and Cas have—having— doing _it_ on the internet?” He is hissing into the receiver now, and Charlie is silent on the other end of the line for a moment before she speaks.

“I’m looking at it right now, and it is definitely you and Cas.  In fact, I’m pretty sure it’s in your living room.  Which is—oh, _ew_ , _Dean!_ You let me sit on that couch!”

“Dude, can you send me a link to this video? I’m not going to believe this until I see it with my own eyes.”

“Um, sure.  You mean you didn’t post this on your own?”

“Hell no!  You think Cas and I want people seeing us doing _that_?”

“I mean, I don’t know what you two are into…”

“Can you take it down, Red?  Maybe do some hacking or something, work your magic.”

“Oh yeah, totally.  Porn sites are definitely not known for their firewall strength.  But if my computer catches a virus from this you are dead meat, Winchester.”

“You’re the one hanging out on porn websites.  Which, I just got the link you sent me, and _wildgayvideos.net_?  Really?”

“It was World of Warcraft clickbait!  This is _so_ not my fault,” she grumbles.  Dean snorts, then bids goodbye and finally hangs up.  He opens the video and clicks play, frowning when he hears Andy Grammar’s “Honey I’m Good” blaring through the speakers of his phone.  He lowers the volume and squints at the scream, teeth gritting when the screen flashes with the words, “Presented to You BY: The Trickster”.

“Fucking Gabriel,” he hisses, then immediately closes out the window and dials Cas’s number.  It only needs to ring a few time before Castiel picks up, whispering into the phone.

“What’s the matter?  I’m with a client.”

“We’re porn stars, Cas!” he cries, blushing and smiling apologetically at a woman as she walks past him, giving him an odd look.  “Your fucking cousin posted that little home video we made on the internet.  It’s gotten _11 million views_.”

He hears some shuffling, then a hushed apology and a promise of “I’ll only be a minute” before Castiel is back on the phone and addressing him, tone leveled out to normal now.  He must have left his office.  “Dean, are you being serious right now?”

“Would I fucking lie about this?  Charlie just called me to tell me she found it, and she’s taking it off the site now, but holy shit!   _11 million people have seen us fucking_ , Cas!”

“Did they at least… like it?” He chides.  Dean huffs, cheeks darkening, and he scratches the back of his neck.

“Well, I’m sure they did… But that’s a bit beside the point.  I am so angry at your cousin right now.  This is nothing compared to me putting hair dye in his shampoo!  People have been looking at us weird for weeks and _this must be why_!”

“I had no idea so many people watched gay porn,” Castiel sighs, then clears his throat.  “Well, you know what this means, don’t you?”

“We can never apply for jobs with confidence ever again.”

“No, this means all out fucking war.  Call Sam, and make sure you pick up some Kraft Mac & Cheese, thumbtacks and a shit ton of plastic wrap on the way home from work.  Gabriel is going to wish he was never born when I’m done with him.”

And this, despite the distress of the situation and the anger Dean is feeling at his brother’s roommate right now, makes him smile.  He clutches his phone to his ear and smiles, maybe looking a little goofy and sappy as he chuckles.

“I love you so damn much, baby.”

“I love you too.  Now get ready; Gabriel may have won this battle, but he has not nearly won the war.”

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by this music video:
> 
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Go7gn6dugu0


End file.
